struggle

Finally.

I have been a smoker for nearly half of my life now. Wow. I swore when I turned 25 I would quit. I turned 25 almost six months ago… Last Friday, April 17th, I came across a website WhyQuit.com and it honestly inspired me to quit smoking. I mean, I have been trying to quit for six months now…but for the first time, I felt empowered to quit. So I made it through Saturday, Sunday AND Monday without smoking. I drank a lot of fluids (they say drinking juice helps) but cracked yesterday and smoked…however, I’ve made it through today smoke free! (Little bit of an update…I totally broke and got into an argument and smoked. *sigh* But I am trying again and taking each day as it comes!)

I’ve never smoked in my house, around my kids, in the car with the kids…yeah, I’ve made it that difficult to smoke and I smoked on average five to ten cigarettes a day. I never smoked while I was pregnant, either. One would *think* quitting would be easy…No. Not at all. At night I get extreme headaches and I can’t sleep. I’ve gained weight already and my stomach has the worst pains when I wake in the morning. It sucks. Rory says it will pass, and I know eventually it will, but it hurts. It seriously hurts. I try to justify in my head that smoking only one at night would be okay, but I know even that one single smoke will keep the cycle going.

I can’t even imagine what it would be like not craving a cigarette, or even thinking about one during times of boredom and stress. Smoking is my five minutes of ME time…my five minutes where no one will bother me…See, there I go, trying to justify it again…

I’ve talked to my daughter about smoking and instead of hiding my struggle, I have talked to her about what smoking can do to you and what it feels like to be addicted. She is a wonderful inspiration, telling me she knows I can quit and congratulating me when I make it through the entire day smoke free. ♥

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